Revision as of 14:39, 1 June 2017

Dragons Revealed

Written by Elyl Melve'fess

Note from the author:

Hello Reader,

I just want you all to know that I wrote this book because I'm tired of uneducated idiots like yourself getting information about dragons all mixed up! Now, if you're ready to begin learning something you might you might be able to use on your pointless adventures, continue reading.

If not, shut the book and go hammer some ore or something.

Chapter One: How to Designate Dragons

Dragons are classified by color, mainly Metallic and Chromatic. Even the dumbest person understands this much. Metallic usually have good hearts, but are still greedy and quite vain. Chromatics, on the other hand are rotten from the core, greedy and vain.

How to deal with a dragon

How you deal with a dragon depends quite a bit on its type. Metallic are... more or less, bribable. Chromatics usually can be bribed, but they'd rather just kill you and be done with it. So overall, the best way to handle an angry dragon... IS TO RUN.

On a closing note, never steal treasure from a dragon unless you'd want your daughter's son to be killed by it. Dragons live a long time and are slow to forget thieves. If you're already dead, they'll take their revenge on anyone related to you!

Chapter Two: The Gold Dragon

Ah yes, the majestic gold dragon, a sight to behold for any moral, even myself! Alas, simply put their scales are a golden color. They breathe flame and a weakening gas. A fight with a golden dragon is a fight that could've been avoided. Down to business, they are most easily recognized by the "whiskers" that are found on their faces. These are quite long and always a good way to tell it's a Gold Dragon. But if you can't tell by the whiskers, just look at the scales! Oh yes, they live about anywhere... they love elegant lairs as well. Said lairs are well guarded by the native creatures. Keep in mind, they are not beyond assuming human, elven, or animal forms. Did I mention they can detect gems? And they WILL TAKE them from you if they find them.

Chapter Three: The Silver Dragon

The silver dragon is one of the largest species... right alongside with the gold, bronze, red, and green dragon types. Of the dragon types, the Silver is the most social. They love to assume human form and interact with us on a mortal level. Needless to say, they are silver and breath a devastating cone of cold. Silver Dragons prefer aerial lairs and often come into conflict with Red Dragons over mountain peaks.

Chapter Four: The Copper Dragon

The pranksters of the Draconic World, these dragons love wit, and jokes. Their lairs are usually found in warm hills. They enjoy constructing mazes with open tops which allow them to jump or fly over intruders. I urge you to be careful with these dragons, as they tend to play mean jokes on those they dislike (Namely anyone that doesn't laugh at their jokes).

As suggested by their names, the scales of this dragon are copper. They also breathe a line of acid when they wish to defend themselves. Overall, if you are a fool with many a joke, these dragons are for you. If not, stay away... for your sake, stay away...

Chapter Five: The Bronze Dragon

Guardians of the Seal, the Bronze Dragon is an aquatic creature that lives next to the coasts of large lakes or the sea. The scales are a bronze color, though it varies by age. They breathe a nasty line of lightning at will. The Bronze Dragon is fascinated by warfare and will join an army for a just cause and good pay. These dragons love to dine on shark meat and the occasional pearl. They enjoy polymorphing into small creatures to watch adventurers and humans.

Chapter Six: The Brass Dragon

Dear gods, the Brass Dragon is the type of person that gets on my nerves; the one that talks about everything and nothing at the same time! Yes, they are notoriously talkative and should you meet one, expect to engage in a very, very long conversation while said dragon hints at expecting a gift. Should you find yourself trying to leave without previously mentioned conversation...? Well... You'll get with a blast of sleep gas. Expect to wake up tied to the floor of its lair where you'll be made to talk for hours on end.

These dragons live in very, very hot deserts and overall, are considered small dragons. Keep in mind they breathe fire too. Blue Dragons often fight with these... majestic, yet annoying creatures. Even other dragons can only take small doses of Brass conversation.

Chapter Seven: The Red Dragon

Ah yes, the infamous Red Dragons. They are red and they breathe fire. They are vain and mean and this is compared to their chromatic kin! These beasts love to sit on high mountaintops and watch over their claim of land. One weakness of these however, is the sack inside their throat which allows them to breathe fire... but who's dumb enough to stick their hand inside a red dragon's mouth and pop the little sack? You'd die, as well as the dragon! These dragons usually do not chat with their victims; they just decide to kill or not to kill. They are known to enjoy devouring maidens and children... Pleasant, no?

Chapter Eight: The White Dragon

These are the dumbest of all dragons; they are also the shortest lived. They inhabit cold areas and breathe blasts of cold frost. Oddly enough, these monsters are little more than beasts and can eat anything... and will eat nearly anything. ASSUMING, it is completely frozen. These dragons are very small and live in cold regions.

Chapter Nine: The Green Dragon

They're green, they're big, they're mean and they hate elves with a passion.
For all the Green Dragons that read this book:

insert picture of Elyl's middle finger

Anyway, Green Dragons live in forests and breathe a nasty acidic gas. To be honest, these dragons are not to be messed with! Stay away from them, as they are often insane.

Chapter Ten: The Black Dragon

These nasty critters are small, black and nasty. They live in swamps and are easily recognized by their horns which are croissant shaped. As usual, they are evil - and extremely cunning. They breathe acid.

Chapter Eleven: The Blue Dragon

These dragons, like the name suggests are blue and typically live in desert regions. Of all the chromatics, the Blue are the most interesting in my opinion! They are easily recognized by the horn on their heads. They create static electricity in their frills which is released in the form of a lightning storm. They often burrow deep into the sand and prize camels as one of their favorite snacks.

Afterthough from Me, the Author

You may notice that in the description of the chromatics, I had much less information... Why? Because they're easy to figure out! The metallics are more complicated of the two. And a note for the dragons that may come to read this book, understand there is no offense intended, lest of course you are vilest of the vile, a Green Dragon!