The Conjured Elder

A One Act, One Scene Play

By Katie Popkins .

Cast:

Wizard: Arrogant, pompous.

Older Woman: Cranky and sly.

Assistant: Cheerful but Obedient.

Scene:

[The scene is set with a summoning circle in center stage of a forest. Components are at each point of the circle. The wizard’s familiar (or assistant), is laying out the last part.]

Wizard: “Careful and precise, careful and precise! Today is the day! Today is the day I call forth a dragon!”

Assistant: Done! *The Assistant Claps excitedly. * Going to call forth a baby dragon?

Wizard: Me? Call forth a mere wyvern? No, I will summon forth the mightiest of dragons, the proud red, to serve me eternally as my servant.

[The wizard enters the center of the circle, slamming his staff down, and in draconic, then common for the audience, he says]:

Wizard: Red, Mightiest of Dragons, I summon thee forth to do the bidding of my power, so you may crush our mutual foes with your might, for the glory of your power and mine.

[There is a summoning effect. An actual conjuration can take place if there is an invisible stage hand that knows how, or if the actor is that powerful! Into the center of the stage comes forth a sleeping older woman]

Wizard: By Mystra’s Bosom!…assistant, what did you do?!

Assistant: Hey boss, I did exactly what you told me. Spell components, circle, and dragon blood spilled about.

Wizard: Did you do it with that happy energy? No wonder why I Got this useless woman in front of me! Dragons would not respond to that. Away with you!

[The sleeping older woman stirs. The wizard chases the assistant with his staff across the stage, accidentally thwacking the older woman. The older woman rises and grabs the wizard by the cloak.]

Older Woman: Just what do you think you’re doing? I was in my bed with my husband, and you think you can just grab me for what, an experiment?

Wizard: Hag! Let go of my cloak. I had this made by the finest spider silks on Arelith.

Older Woman: Fine Silks and staff and you summon -me-? What hogwash would a wizard want from me?

Wizard: [The wizard should take a step back, embarrassed, then point at his assistant accusingly] My useless energetic assistant ruined my dragon summoning spell with her/his happiness.

Assistant: You never wrote down be grumpy this morning.

Older Woman: Now, now, you, a great wizard, cannot handle your assistant enough to conjure a dragon?

Wizard: Why…well, of course I can!

Older Woman: Besides, you cannot just summon a dragon because you -will- it? You have to earn it. And you clearly are a novice.

Wizard: What do you know? You know nothing of power.

Older Woman: Your circle does nothing to amplify your conjuration speak. And do you think dragon blood will entice the dragon? You would only sway the dragon away. Show your might by slaying another mighty creature, and offer a gift.

Wizard: A gift? Like what?

Older Woman: [She throws a book at him.] Read, do your research! And pick your dragon. I can smell from that blood it’s a red. Do you really think a red is going to sit around and chat with you?

Wizard: Well, I-

Older Woman: And you, assistant? You should be on your knees when he does the spell. Show the incoming dragon that you, as an assistant to the summoner and the dragon incoming, mean no harm and respect the glory of a dragon.

Assistant: Okay! Taking notes!

Older Woman: And why is this circle in this shape? Form a figure of fire, or a dragon’s wings. No creativity whatsoever. You don’t have to be all about the principle.

Wizard: I had no idea you were such a knowledgeable mage!

Older Woman: Now you do. Now if you would, send me back. I’m not a mage of transmutation.

Wizard: I’m afraid that’s not possible.

Assistant: My boss is a great conjuror but he’s forbidden from transmuting.

Older Woman: Right. Then I’m going to give you the count of ten to run before I send a volley of missiles in anger at you both.

[The assistant would begin to step back, going off stage during the Wizard’s line.] 

Wizard: I don’t appreciate you threatening the greatest conjurer and his assistant. Assistant?

Older Woman: Ten. Nine

Wizard: Sincere apologies! Assistant, you good for nothing donkey-boar!

[After the wizard departs, the Older Woman grins at the audience. With assistance, she turns into her true form, a dragon].

Older Woman: Tired of working for shrimp insignificant mages. Time for a nap.

Author's Note

Katie Popkins First Work, the first of which she performed in the Nomad's Playhouse.